1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

Lost my job, got a real Christmas tree, prepared Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve dinner at MY house.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don’t remember, which is not a good sign. However, I have three distinct resolutions for 2010:

• Lose 7 pounds
• Take the GRE and apply/start grad school
• Be a better friend (not because I think I’m a bad one but because I refuse to let “life” be my excuse for not calling often enough)

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My best friend. Sweet little Aubrie entered this world with a bang in October.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

My Barnee kitty. After 17 wonderful years of life, it was time. RIP, love.

5. What countries did you visit?

I work in communications, we don’t take trips with our salaries. Hilariously, I said the same thing last year. Jeff and I are going on a vacation in 2010, it’s already been decided.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you didn’t have in 2009?

A wedding.

7. What dates from 2009 will be etched upon your memory, and why?

This one. It was a day that changed everything I am, and likely everything I will become. It changed my perspective, the way I spend money, the way I think about my career, relationships and life. It was the very best and very worst thing that ever happened to me all rolled up into one tiny little moment.

8. What was your biggest achievement of this year?

Getting my new job. It was a really long, really hard process. I really did not want to leave my community to find a new job and the fact that I got one right here where I live, where I love, where I function, is awesome to me. And I attribute all of that to my effort, my willingness to show my passion for this community and Twitter. No joke.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Letting my insecurities take over. Jeff was my target way too many times this year and while I know he still loves me the same, or more, I’m not proud of using him as my punching bag just because we live under the same roof. I don’t know what I’d do without that man. Really, I don’t. And some days the way I treated him because I was scared of life were really just uncalled for and downright embarrassing.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Just a lot of emotional bullshit. Turns out, in the end it makes you stronger.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

A birthday dress.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Mine. I overcame.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

The woman who fired me. I hope someday to forgive, but I am absolutely not there yet. Some days I get down on myself for not being able to let go of that, but the way she treated me was unprofessional and uncalled for. Frequently I have to remind myself that what goes around comes around. 

14. Where did most your money go?

What money?

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Cooking for Thanksgiving.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

“Gives You Hell” by All-American Rejects. It’s truly a breakup song, something I haven’t been through in years. But, losing a job is so much like a breakup it’s unreal. Whenever I hear that song, I blast the radio and scream the lyrics because it’s about the best stress reliever ever.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

I’m happy today. And that’s good.

I’m probably seven pounds fatter. See: New Years Resolution.

Poor, in general.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Enjoying my time unemployed. It’s just so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when that light comes in the form of 100 percent uncertainty.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Crying.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

Christmas was more low key this year. And a lot more thoughtful. However, Christmas is a really stressful time for me and has been since I was a child. My parents blow it off and I’m sure think that my stress is just a product of my sensitivity, but it really bothers me. I have a really hard time picking and choosing and organizing where we are suppose to be and when. I have an even harder time with my parents’ priorities during the holidays. I think they both have it in their heads that I’m an adult now, which makes them done with their responsibilities as a parents. I still need them – all 26 years of me – and I wish they’d recognize that more. Especially at Christmas.

21. Did you fall in love with 2009?

I fall in love more every day. Even on days when it hurts. I adore my other half more than anything in this world. After almost five years together, I still find new things to love every day. (I find new things to hate, too. But that’s besides the point).

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Top Chef.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Mostly.

24. What was the best book you read?

I sucked at reading this year. I read job finding websites, mostly.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Don’t even know.

26. What did you want and get?

A stronger relationship. We’ve been through it all this year and we made it. And if that’s not the best reassurance out there, I don’t know what is. I have no doubt – and I never have to – that when I’m at the bottom of the bottom with no money and smudgy makeup that I won’t be alone. You never quite know what it’s like to have someone pick up the slack so you can exist – or if they will – until it’s absolutely the worst time to find out. I’m thankful every day that I never even had to ask. I never once had to worry. It was just an unspoken, I will do this for you, which is exactly what love should look like.

27. What did you want and not get?

An engagement ring. See #26 though, I’m OK with waiting because I know I have something good goin’ on here.

28. What was your favorite film of 2009?

I saw one movie this year – Julie and Julia – which is more than I’ve seen in the last four years so it’s progress. However, we’re turning over a new leaf in our family. We have NetFlix now and are aiming for one movie/date night per week. I love the idea.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 26 in 2009. I spent the day boasting over my boyfriend who was cooking in a charity event. Both of our families joined me. It was the best way to bring in 26. Plus, our mamas really like each other, which is way important.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

A million dollars.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2009?

I need new cute shoes.

32. What kept you sane?

Writing. My dog to talk to on lonely days. My boyfriend.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?

I don’t know. Well, I do. But I will say this: If I ever get some extra time, I’m going to fight with someone about child support rules. I don’t think deadbeat mothers should be able to live off their baby daddy child support just for the fun of it. Just like with most things, I think there should be some sort of accountability.

34. Who did you miss?

My old friends that I do not see nearly enough.

35. Who was the best new person you met?

I met a new friend through Twitter and she’s absolutely awesome. She’s like my polar opposite yet we have so much in common. I just love hanging out with her and I’m excited to see how our friendship evolves in 2010.

I’m also pretty excited about my new co-workers. They are great.

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

You will not die. You will not die from a broken heart, or losing your job, or from having no money, or from being lonely. You will not die.

37. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

I do not find this task possible. Songs get me in the moment, for a moment. And then, just like it’s suppose to, the moment passes and you’re onto the next. (I guess that’s part 2 of #36).

I will spare you all the “I’ve been so busy, that’s why I never blog” excuses. But please know: Every last excuse would be true.

We hosted a very wonderfully stress free Thanksgiving at our house and it makes me never want to go home for a holiday again. Sure, we love our families but it was so nice to just be. No stress. No fuss. No 700 trips to all of our families in a 12 hour period. None of it. In fact, we might not go home for Christmas, either, which I’m sure you can imagine how that makes our families feel. Ah, well. We’re adults. These are the years of our life and as it turns out, we’d like to wake up just once on Christmas morning in our own home.

Two days after Thanksgiving Jeff and I did something we’ve both never done in our entire lives. We cut down our very first real Christmas tree. It was absolutely the time of my life and I don’t think I will go back to having a fake tree for a very long time.

We found a place – about an hour from the condo – that allowed us to bring Jack. We hit the woods with a rusty saw and got picked up by a tractor, which brought us back to the little shop where we were served hot cider. It was just a really fun and cute thing to do as a couple and I’m so glad we did it. Plus, the ride home with a 10 plus foot tree on top of our little Mazda was the time of my life.

Work is going well. I’m busy at all times, which I do not mind at all and it’s totally fair to say that I do more work at my current job than I’ve ever done at any job in my entire life. And it challenges me in many of the right ways, which is good from a career development standpoint.

We’re working on really exciting Christmas project that I cannot wait to share. It’s going to be so dang cool.

For now, I think that’s it. Happy Almost Christmas!

My dog literally could not wag his tail for about 20 of the last 24 hours.

And I don’t know if you know, but I’m kind of obsessed with my dog. I’d do anything for his cute face. So when something is not right in his world it pretty much turns into a nervous break down in our house. There is crying and yelling and snotting. I’ll let you guess which one of the two of us humans in our household act in that matter.

So when my dog suddenly could not move his tail (AT ALL), a little freak out happened. I mean, why can’t my dog move his tail? So I consulted Google, which told me he had one of the following conditions: cancer, wet tail, anus gland issues, a sprained tail, a broken tail or a paralyzed spine. OH. GOOD.

We waited until morning and then called the vet. I should note, we are like WAY OVER on Jack’s vaccinations so a phone call to the vet equaled a lot of pride swallowing. Twenty minutes later, we were dropping Jack off at the vet. Yep, you heard me correctly: We had to leave him there. I cried all the way home and pretty much until we got the phone call telling us not to worry. It was in fact his anal glands, which had to be expressed. (Hot, hey?) They sent him home with antibiotics and hopefully his tail will be fully moving around again soon.

It’s funny how just one day takes me right back to where I left off all those weeks ago the night before I lost my job – a place where life was safe and secure.

I met Jeff in the driveway after work this evening with my dog’s leash in hand. We futzed to throw dinner together – chicken Parmesan – in the kitchen, together. And then I found my spot on the couch – I’m exhausted – while my love cleaned up the kitchen. The dishwasher is now humming, the Brewers game on, I’m catching up on e-mails and Google Reading, and Jeff’s asking Jack “what are you doing?” Oh, you know, the usual, stealing your shoe.

Just one day takes me back to the way we were. Back to normal. Jeff’s likely relieved that I don’t have nearly as much to talk about as I did on those days I spent alone in our condo. I spent my day with intellectual professionals. I talked to adults. And while I fully enjoy conversation with my Beagle, it’s just not the same as using my skills as a communicator.

Today I signed up for my retirement plan, I picked out my insurance, learned about my tuition reimbursment options and how I get into the fitness centers (for free!). I shook hands with adults and proudly said my first name, next to my last name, followed by a job title I’m really proud of.

Day 1 down. A whole career to go.

I’m not going to lie, I am a little nervous about going to work being away from the house for a whole 8 hours . I mean, I did get used to sitting on my ass all day.

Here are some of the things that are gonna be tough:

– Leaving my dog. I fell like he’s used to going outside every two hours and I’ve only asked Jeff 1,000 times if he will come home at lunch time to make sure he is OK.

– My Google Reader is going to be out of control by the time I get home from work. Ohhh Emm Geee. I cannot even imagine how many things I’m going to have to read.

– No time at the pool, staying in my jammies until 10, or watching bad soap operas. (OK, the last one I probably won’t actually miss.)

– Coffee consumption worries me. My roots are from a newsroom, a place where more coffee than you could ever imagine is drank. And I’m just worried that there might not be a coffee pot.

– Wearing hosiery seems odd. And old lady-ish. But it’s one of the rules. Fortunately, I never wore any of that at home. “Maybe they just mean you have to wear underwear,” Jeff says to me the other night while discussing this. Oh lord, I hope they don’t have to specify that.

– Comparing this job to my old one. Yeah, the one that broke my heart. I was ironing clothes tonight and there was a particular shirt I wanted to wear, but then I remembered that I wore that on the first day of my old job. Seems like bad juju.

– The map seems confusing. And I’m worried I will not be able to figure out where to park, or where to go. And being late is about the worst thing that could ever happen to me.

But in general, I’m excited. I guarantee I will get about 30 seconds of sleep tonight. I feel like a little kid who is starting her first day of school tomorrow.

The coffee pot timer is set, all my clothes are ironed, my nails are filed and I have snacks to throw into my big girl bag in the morning. Plus, I filed for my LAST week of unemployment this evening. This is it – a brand new journey.

I never…

…owned a baby dog.

…rocked out at a Widespread Panic, Bob Dylan or a Waterfest show.

…danced. Like for real, not slow-style.

…ate a radish.

…played poker or cribbage.

…drank entire pots of coffee, grocery shopped for one meal at a time, drank (that much) beer that actually tasted good.

…slept with my back to the door, which is a sure sign I feel much safer now.

…this realistically considered spending the rest of my life with the same individual.

…co-owned large items like cars and condos and overpriced electric service bills. Oh and washers and dryers.

…took the same boyfriend home for four Christmases in a row.

…considered someone not biologically related to me my family. It’s me, you and Jack, baby. And I love it just like that.

…knew about the controversy of Bob Dylan switching to electric, the exact date of Jerry Garcia’s last show and countless other trivial things I’ll probably never need (unless we’re on a game show) to know about jam band (and classic rock-ish) music and history.

…attended a concert not wearing a bra.

…folded and put away all of someone’s laundry, lived with a boy or watched sitcoms in the form of cartoons.

…slept with my hair in a pony tail (so it doesn’t tickle your nose) or without 87,000 blankets (you are a heater).

…carried a camera with me nearly every where I go.

…stood up for myself this much, spoke my mind as loudly or was as outspoken. (That could also have something to do with my age, but so what).

…talked so much or laughed so hard.

…had anyone to talk about current events everysingleday with.

…was this vulnerable, this true, this real, or this in love.

I jacked this idea from She Like Purple.

Jeff’s mom spoils me rotten. And she did it again for my birthday.

With a new Coach purse. (She promises she got a rock star deal so that makes me feel a little less guilty about her getting me another beautiful bag.)

She knew when she walked in on Saturday that she was going to be “in trouble” even hiding the gift bag, which boasted Coach all over it behind her back. But I don’t think either of us thought “trouble” when I opened the gift and was absolutly delighted. The purse, it’s so me. Even my mom, who doesn’t understand fancy purses because she’s never carried a purse in her life said, “it’s so you.” And it is. However, we will not show Grandma this photo:

Or this one:

I can’t…
Change my own flat tire. Drink coffee without cream and sugar. Exist without coffee. Stay mad at my dog for more than 42 seconds. Resist drinking all the juice out of those lemon shaped things filled with lemon juice. Live without water, Jeff or chapstick.

I can..
Drive a stick shift car. Eat an entire frozen pizza. Sing that song that lists the United States in alphabetical order. Cook. Stand up for myself fairly easily. Be offensive with my outspokenness. Cook a mean pan of hashbrowns.

I won’t…
Ever agree with you that abortion is even sometimes OK. Believe you if you tell me you were using birth control properly and “just got pregnant.” Ever think Pepsi is better than Coke. Stand up for you if I think you’re wrong. Lie, cheat or steal to get ahead.

I will…
Always say what I’m thinking when I feel it’s important. Cry. Be loyal to my friendships and my relationship with Jeff. Smoosh my doggie’s face in the first 30 seconds I walk in the door. Again have a full time job, someday. Continue to volunteer for organizations I feel passionately about. Listen when people need to talk. Be the one updating my Twitter status far too frequently.

I shouldn’t…
Feel guilty or angry or blame the fact that I lost my job on myself; ever. Check the news or my email as frequently as I do. Get mad at Jeff for not understanding all things social like I do. Eat after 7, allow ice cream sandwiches in the house or drinks so much coffee. Be so gossipy. Stalk my old place of work’s website.

I should…
Get an oil change in the Mazda. Start writing a book. Be proud of myself more often. Work out (more.) Eat healthier. Enjoy this time without a full time job more. Always wear sunscreen.

Read Brandy’s list here.

I’ve wished all the appropriate dads in my life a happy day.

I sang “Short Dick Man” out loud. Including the stuttery part. You know, “don’t, don’t, don’t…”

A close friend of ours became a father.

I went to sleep before the sunset after spending the day at the beach.

I got the first sunburn of the year. And tan lines.

I’ve eaten approximately six ice cream sandwiches. (HEY! It’s hot out.)

I volunteered for a cause that helped feed the hungry and attended an event that raised money for cancer research.

I made Jeff buy me two sports bras from Sam’s Club because I felt silly buying sports bras from Sam’s Club. (2 for $10 and they are seamless microfiber.)

I had a picnic with my boyfriend and my dog at the beach, on a blanket. With $9 per pound chicken salad that rocked my socks off.

The bathroom is clean, the laundry mostly done and the wood tables were dusted. Dish washer also emptied (by Jeff), which makes me smile.

I ate too many radishes, too much freshly baked bread, too many home made chocolate muffins. All worth every calorie.

I drank morning coffee on the couch wearing an actual night gown thingie. (It’s not grandma-ish.) It’s cute. And pink.

I walked on dunes.

Jeff got tan lines in the shape of sunglasses, his olive skin grew tan from taking his shirt off at the beach (hot!!) and his hair reached that perfect stage that stays for about a week before it turns into “you need a haircut.”

Oh, I wore a bikini and swam in our pool. Good weekend, it was.

I know people are trying to be friendly and all, but give me a break.

Around our condo building no one knows our name. We’re simply Jack’s Mama and Jack’s Daddy. Even when people talk to us to our face. That though, I don’t really mind.

You know that theory about how it takes a village to raise a child? Yeah, not so much for dogs. I don’t need your two cents and no I am not going out of town, he doesn’t need you to watch him. Thank you for asking.

Things you should know:

• Dogs cannot understand why you are talking to them from so far away and not petting them. It doesn’t equal affection in their book. So when you stand 50 feet away and talk to my dog while I’m laying in the sun, the only thing it’s doing is making him rip my arm out of the socket because he wants to come visit you. He is not ferocious, I promise. His fur is just in the shape of a mo hawk because you are so far away and he cannot see you clearly.

• If you are a foreign contractor working at my place of residence, don’t ask me questions just because I’m outside frequently. It’s distracting to my dog and it just makes him want to follow you around while you’re planting grass seed instead of doing his business. And, under any circumstances DO NOT give him a piece of your McDonald’s cheeseburger. I wouldn’t even put that crap into my own body.

• Children. Jack will never understand children. He doesn’t know why they are looking right at his face or why they don’t have to bend down to pet him. Please teach your children how to approach a dog or someday you child may have one less finger.

• Those bears on his collar and leash, they are Grateful Dead bears. Jack is sick of you calling them “cute teddy bears.”

• If you have food, he’s going to want it. He’s a hound and his sense of smell is stronger than your dog’s. I don’t want to hear about your technique in magically training your dog. We know ours is naughty around food so we keep him on a leash. No amount of coercing will make us believe you when you tell us he’ll be just fine. We’ve seen him down EIGHT pieces of chocolate cake in 22 seconds.

• Jack doesn’t like his nails cut, his ears cleaned or taking bath. Do you seriously think we haven’t tried giving him treats in all three of those settings? Do not recommend that to me or I will punch you in the gut.

• We know our dog. He needs to be kenneled when we leave and yes we always fill his Kong with a little peanut butter. It’s not going to kill him, he’s going to cry. Get. Over. It.

And that’s all the ranting I’ve got for today. Lesson: Use common sense. It gets you far.