Some days are hard

Every day is not going to be easy.

Especially the days when I sign onto my favorite job hunting websites to see no new jobs. Or just unpaid internships. It’s hard looking for a job. Even harder when you’re not really sure what you want to do with your life. I’ve considered moving across the country, starting over with a new undergrad program, getting my MBA, staying home with my dog for eternity and death. (No, no, not like that. There are just minutes where you think you are going to die).

The other night pork chops that were overcooked turned into tears. And the afternoon yesterday was bad too. I finally gave in, threw on sweat pants and climbed under a blanket on the couch with my dog. It was the first time I’ve allowed myself to just sit on the couch and be lazy since losing my job. And I imagine that from time to time, that will be the best therapy.

I’ve continued to move forward making connections in my community. Phone calls and e-mails fill some of the time during the day.

My house is a disaster. I haven’t cleaned a thing. And I keep convincing myself that I let it stay dirty because I’m affraid of not having anything to do. Truth is, I just don’t feel like folding those three baskets of clean laundry or tackling the kitchen and bathrooms. Today that might change.

Jeff has been wonderful. He’s doing very well walking the thin line between teasing me too much about my unemployed status and being supportive. He reminds me frequently that I’ve done more in a week to re jump start my life than most people would have done in a month. He knows I’m busy and he knows I’m trying. Best, he reminds me frequently that we are on the same team and that we’ll get through this together – something that is never old to hear. I love him.

With that, I’m off to take Jack for a walk in the brisk air and sunshine. We both deserve that.