The power of a community

It’s not something you really understand – this blogging community – unless you’re a part of it. It’s made up of people who share your happy and cry with you. It’s made of complete strangers who love each other like best friends. It’s made of people like my blog friend Brandy, who needs your help today. And tomorrow, and the next and the next.

If you have an extra prayer or a vacant blog post or Tweet to spare, please feel free to pass her post (below) on.

This is my opportunity to pay it forward – I’ve been prayed for, cried on behalf of and cheered on from afar because of this blog. Today, Brandy (and her smokin’ hot boyfriend) need all of that, and more.

Thank you.

________________________

My name is brandy. And I have a blog.

And a plea.

I use my blog to showcase the crazy I meet everyday, share the stories of the kids I teach and document my love for tequila, dairy products and the abdominal muscles of Ryan Reynolds. Rarely do I talk about personal issues on my blog- as personal as the dude that I adore (who I actually met through my blog- single ladies, let that be a very good reason to blog, the possibility of meeting someone as wonderful as my man), but I need your help. And it involves my dude.

He’s a guy who made math comics for my class, so they would love learning about addition. He’s the kinda guy who sends my friends gift cards when they are having hard times, who remembers every story I ever told him, who was the first person I celebrated with when I got a teaching job. He’s the guy who sent flowers to me at school- dozens of my favourite pink roses just because he loves me. He’s a guy who has spent a year patiently explaining (and re-explaining) everything there is to know about football during the important games when silence is preferred. He’s made me word puzzles and comics and stayed up late playing Scrabble with me (even though I beat him almost every time). He’s listened to me cry about school and family and jobs. He is everything I never knew I needed and everything I always knew I wanted.

The holidays have hit us hard. He’s recently been told he may have something called multiple myeloma- an incurable cancer, that gives a person an average of five years of continued life. Though this news has came as a shock, he continues to be exactly who has always been- spending his time worrying about me, rather than worrying about himself. He’s the most selfless individual I know- (he stayed late on Christmas Eve to work, so his co-workers could leave early) and a post like this would never be something that he would promote or encourage but when I’m overwhelmed and feeling helpless, the blogging community has always given me tremendous support and comfort, two things I desperately need at this time.

As I write this, the future is uncertain and we aren’t sure what’s happening. He’ll need to see an oncologist soon, to verify what’s going on in his body. My hope is that everyone who reads this think positive thoughts and if you are a person who prays, could you add him to your list? (You can refer to him as ‘brandy’s hot awesome dude’). If you don’t pray, please keep him in your heart.This cancer is only a possibility and I believe that the prayers and positive thoughts of people can make sure it never becomes a reality.

I want to give a big thank you to the blog owner who scraped their original blog plans and graciously put this up. My goal is to get as many people as possible to see and read this post. If you are reading this and want to help, copy and paste my plea into your blog or send a link through twitter, so more people can keep him in their thoughts. I would be so very grateful (even more grateful than I am to my friend who first showed me the picture of Ryan Reynolds on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. If you haven’t seen it, google it. You. Are. Welcome).

I realize this all sounds dramatic, a Lifetime movie in the making- but this is life. Right now. And I’m throwing away any hint of ego and am humbly asking for you to pray or think kind thoughts. If you are able to pass this on, thank you and if you know anything regarding MM- please email me (my email is on my blog). This isn’t a call for sympathy or a plea for pity. It’s just one girl hoping you can think positive thoughts for the person she adores. If my current heartache provides you with anything, let it be with the reminder that life is short, love is unbending and no one knows what could happen next. Maybe it is silly, but I really do believe that positive thoughts can make a huge difference. Thank you for reading this and if you haven’t already? Please tell someone you love them today.

I did.

Top 10 List

What. A. Year.

And since it’s the trend, here is my top 10 list. I’m not sure if mine should be labeled as favorites. Instead, here is my memorable list of 2009:

10. A Serving of Life

I never thought when I started writing about how much I like food and how much I like to eat that anything would come from it. I mostly did it so my family and friends could keep up with me and so I could keep track of my journey. I didn’t really know much about cooking when I started and now it’s one of my most favorite things to do. Further, I’m knowledgeable about it. This year I was featured in the state’s largest newspaper, I’m currently working on something for a launch of a new state blog and I was the recipient of lots of free (and interesting)  items to review. I can only imagine what the future has in store for me and that blog. It’s a wonderful community out there; and I’m so thankful to be a part of it.

9. My new job/co-workers

I had no way of knowing what 2009 would shoot at me in the way of my career. I had no idea that I’d be on the hunt for a new one. And certainly, I had no idea I’d end up where I did. As with most things, hindsight is pretty dang amazing and I can totally see now that I am so much better off. I love going to work (almost) every day. It’s a place where I’m challenged to do my best work, to write and work at a frequency I never have before and ultimately, it’s a place where the people really kick ass. I was looking for a family – like I had when I was at the paper – and I found one. I’ve made lasting friendships already and it’s only been a handful of months.

8. Twitter

It’s undoubtedly one of the things that got me my new job. Plus, it’s been the catalyst for some really new, exciting and meaningful friendships. It’s sort of like Google, but instead real people tell you that you might have cancer when you explain your symptoms. Right up my alley.

7. My 26th birthday

Turning 26 was hard for me. You have these visions in your head about what your middle 20s are going to look like and they include things like a house, a child, a marriage and a kick ass career. Those days leading up to 26 were hard. I analyzed way too much and I beat myself up for being off track. As it turns out, I’m right on track. I wake up everyday next to a man I adore in our small condo that we own. We’ll get married some day and if the stars align right, we’ll end up with children. Until then, the best way to live is in the right now. I’m thankful for having learned that lesson in 2009.

6. My friends

Especially those that held my hand and caught my tears in those first few days and weeks last spring. There were days where I did not think I’d make it to the next. There were days where I was defeated and thought life was over. I’ve said it a million times before: Losing your job pretty much rapes you of your identity and if I was not surrounded by my friends, I would not have made it, trust me on that one. Thank you to each one of you who reached out, took me to lunch, told me I was wonderful and mostly thank you to those who knew just the right thing to say (because most people don’t). You know who you are and I will never forget your kind words, gestures, e-mails and prayers.

5. Jeff

Like in any relationship, there are moments when I should have been smacked across the face and told I was a bitch. While he’s no saint and while he does lose his temper with me sometimes, he’s the most supportive being in my life. This year Jeff dealt with more tears than anyone can possibly imagine. He’s become a better listener in 2009 and for that I’m truly thankful. I needed someone’s ear many, many times. Jeff also learned how to cheer lead this summer when I was looking for a job and interviewing and becoming a finalist. On days when I was down on myself about a particular interview or opportunity and would push him, he’d bounce back with kind words, excitement and the friendship and love I needed to carry me through. As I said, 2009 was a hard year for me, but probably the most progressive year for us – we grew a lot this year.

4. My ability to write

It carries me through almost everything I do. It’s what found me a job. It’s what put money in my pocket when I didn’t have one. It’s who I am. The end.

3. A summer off

We spent the summer hiking state parks and finding things to do on the cheap, because we had to. When weekends came, I was dying to get out of the house, so we did. For our anniversary in May, Jeff bought me a sticker for the Wisconsin State Parks system and we used the hell out of it. Those moments made up of tennis shoes to the hiking paths and picnics in the woods combined with toes in the water on beaches and a wet dog smell leftover in the car the next day likely saved my life. Well, those moments and Zoloft, to be fair. I will never forget all of those parts or our conversations in the woods. I’ll never forget how tight we held each others hands when we hiked the bluffs at Devil’s Lake. I’ll just never forget all those little tiny moments – that were actually really huge for me – that took place in the summer of ‘09.

2. Losing my job

Now, with meaning behind my words and with 100 percent truth I can say that losing my job is the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I no longer work for an organization I have to struggle to believe in, I no longer have to compromise myself and write way-too-long press releases, I no longer am micro managed. At the time, I did think I wanted that job and there were days where I also thought I loved it. I gave up a job I loved (but was ready to move on from) at a newspaper and took the jump to “the dark side” of public relations and I learned that it really wasn’t for me. Or maybe I’m wrong on that, I did like doing PR, but I just didn’t believe in some of the stuff I had to say and pitch. Public relations, in my opinion, is something a little more organic and a little less preachy. Losing my job sucked, but the way they treated me on that day sucked even more. I am blessed to have lost a job with an organization that treated me so shitty in those final minutes. I don’t deserve that – no one does – and as it turns out, I escaped. I dodged a bullet and I found something better. And as my new co-workers tell me: “Their loss is 100 percent our gain.”

1. My new found identity

I changed a lot this year. I will not leave 2009 as the same person I started it as. My priorities are different, my relationships are different, my thoughts about my future are different and my view of the world is different. I’m thankful for every last experience – good, bad and ugly – and I’m proud to say that I’ve learned a lot of lessons going through everything that I did. I fell and failed, I grew and changed. And the best part – I’m pretty damn proud of who I turned out as. I’m ready to give 2010 a run for its money. I’m beyond thrilled to start a new year as a new me.

Christmas partayyy

Tonight Jeff and I attended a Christmas party for a service club he’s deeply involved with. We danced, and sang, and drank adult beverages and ate cute appetizers. Truth be told, I am feeling the results of said adult beverages as I type this. Truth be told (part two!!!), I needed those drinks to remind me that the holidays are fun. (!!! Wee!). And one more truth: my feet hurt from all the dancing.

Figuring out Christmas is stressful for me. And I’m pretty sure my family members chalk it up to my over emotional self and that really sucks. I do like Christmas. I like spending time with my family (AND THEIR SPOUSES, even if they don’t believe me) but I also would like for just one Christmas to be a little chill. I’d like to feel like my family wants time with me and I’d like to spend Christmas in my own home. The Christmas at our home isn’t happening this year, but the time with our families is finally coming together. So, I will happily settle for the latter.

For the first time ever, Jeff and I will wake up in our own home and in our own bed on Christmas morning this year. I am so damn excited. From there, we’ll head to our hometown and spend a few hours with each of our families doing holiday-eee things and I’m excited. I’m finally in the spirit, which I do believe a few hours with a glass of wine in your hand and a dance floor will do to you.

Plus, we’ve made a really special (but totally uncheesy) gift for our families this year and they came in the mail today (so much work went into this project, I can’t even wait to share it with you all) and I just cannot wait to see the joy in our families eyes when they open said gift. We are proud.

With all of that, Christmas time is here. And we only get one Christmas time 2009. So, I’ve got my celebrating shoes on and I absolutely cannot wait to make our way home and hand over our gifts on Christmas. For as craptastic as this year has been for us, I’m planning on a good Christmas. A really good one.

Cheers!

Holla dayz – a meme

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? I’m a wrapping paper gal. And the newest trend around our house for a certain beagle is for him to grab the whole roll and run around the house with it. He thinks it’s a great game, I yell because he’s crinkling it. This year I found the cutest Christmas paper with dogs wearing sweaters on it. Whoa, that was all random.

2. Real tree or artificial? Thank you for asking. We got a real tree this year, which just happens to be the first real tree for both of us. We (and by we, I mean Jeff) chopped it down and everything.

3. When do you put up the tree? Since it’s sort of a lot of work, I like to put it up the weekend after Thanksgiving. It gives me longer to enjoy it. Plus, as I learned this year, it smells fantastic.

4. When do you take the tree down? Usually a few days after Christmas. After Christmas is over, I’m over it.

5. Do you like eggnog? I don’t hate it but I’m not in love, either.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? I don’t come from one of those families where I got huge extravagant gifts for Christmas. Last year my dad got Jeff and I a fancy Nikon SLR camera, which I love. I felt like a little kid on Christmas morning when I opened it.

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Nope.

8. Hardest person to buy for? My dad. And it doesn’t help that his birthday is on Christmas Eve so I always have to find two things.

9. Easiest person to buy for? My mom. You can buy the woman $2 earrings in the shape of a heart or soap and she’ll love it. Her favorite thing is socks, so that makes it easy.

10. Worst Christmas gift ever received? Some might argue that it was a salad dryer spinner thing I got a few Christmases ago, but I love it.

11. Mail or e-mail Christmas card? I did not send cards this year (oops), but I say US Postal Service-style.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? I do like Home Alone.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? I like to say early but here we are ten days before Christmas and I have nothing to show for a gift for Jeff. Or Jack.

14. Have you ever regifted a Christmas present? I have. But  it’s more “recycling” a gift card because I need a gift real quick and don’t have time.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Jeff’s mom’s shrimp dip. I also like my the lady fingers my step dad makes each year.

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? I like both. This year we went colorful.

17. Favorite Christmas song? That one Mariah Carey song that everyone likes.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Well, we always have to go “home.”  Why you ask? Because we don’t have children and we aren’t married. (Yes, that was sarcasm laced).

19. Can you name Santa’s reindeer? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vicksen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and the red-nosed guy. (I realize I probably spelled most of those wrong but I’m too lazy to look them up!)

20. Do you have an angel on top or a star? Star.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? I have no tradition, which stems from having divorced parents and chaotic Christmases. Every year it changes.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? Trying to figure out where to be and when. It really stresses me out and always has and it makes me even more upset that everyone chalks it up to me being ’sensitive Mandy.’  No really, I hate it and I cry when I hang up the phone.

23. Ugliest Christmas Decoration ever invented? Old school tinsel.

25. Which looks best – theme trees or homey trees? I like homey. This year we hung Jeff’s childhood ornaments on our tree and it melts my heart. Especially the one from his first-ever girlfriend. (Clarification: “She wasn’t my first-ever girlfriend,” Jeff says.)

26. Gingerbread or sugar cookies? Sugar. My best friend Tina usually wins the award for best sugar cookie. And, she’s a kindergarten teacher (aka simple perfectionist) so I’m sure you can imagine just how neatly they are frosted.

27. Do you like Fruitcake? I don’t think I’ve ever had it but my grandma used to make stollen (not her recipe, but I’m going to work on getting it). In fact, I’m e-mailing my aunt immediately.

The issue

It’s pretty obvious by now that I stopped writing like I used to. And there is an actual reason. A reason I feel weird writing about but just need to write about so I can get over it.

It’s not like my blog was ever anonymous, I never really wanted it to be. I didn’t hide the fact that I wrote here, but I didn’t advertise it like I do my much safer food blog, either.

I did want this space to be a place where I could come write about my life. And in all fairness, this blog did serve as that spot for a pretty long time.  I wanted it to be a place where I could be myself, a place to write about good days AND bad days. Except the last time I wrote about a challenge in my life, I was sort of outed, which forced me to climb into some sort of shell, which I obviously have not come out of, or I’d be writing.

I wrote about my dad’s wife. You all read the entry. It was sort of harsh. And really honest. And even though on that day I felt every ounce of what I wrote, I was basically told that it was not OK that I wrote what I did. In the days that followed that blog entry I fought with my father in a way I never have before, I got unfriended on Facebook and the dynamic of a relationship I’ve had since I was a teenager changed.

Still, I don’t regret writing the post. Instead, I regret that someone else’s opinion of the way I feel about something changed me. I regret that someone else’s opinion put a temporary hault on one of the things in this world I’m most passionate about – writing.

That isn’t who I am.

Since that day, I resorted back to some really old school ways. My thoughts line yellow paper and half filled notebooks now. Those thoughts sit in a space where no one can see them. And the writing is the same, I guess. But my community is gone and that’s the part I miss. I miss the people who patted me on the back, the few that left comments publically and the strangers-turned-friends that sent me e-mails just to let me know I was not alone. I miss finding people out there who have been through what I am going through – in any situation – and have some light to shed, advice to lend or kind words that soothe.

We are weeks away from a new year. And since I’m being honest – I’m beyond ready for 2010. So, I’m going to try to pick up the pieces and write about my life again – what’s good, what’s bad, what’s beautiful, what’s ugly. If you don’t like it, stop blog stalking me reading. And that’s really all I’ve got to say about that.

I owe this to myself, because this my life and I’m only going to live it once.

2010, I’m looking forward to you. In fact, I cannot wait.

The Circle of Life

Thursday was an absolutely horrible day.

In between phone calls to my mom and my best friend I sat at my desk and sobbed.

After 17 years, it was time. He was old and ready to make his entrance into animal heaven, but that did not make it one teeny tiny bit easier. My Barnee kitty had to be put to sleep.

My mom called Wednesday night and from the other end of the phone I heard it in her “Hi Manda.” Something was wrong. Our cat had stopped eating three days prior and had stopped going to the bathroom all together. Those things add up to not a good thing. I knew it was coming but the words “put to sleep tomorrow,” were about the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever heard. I lost it, which was honestly something I did not expect – he’s really old and I haven’t lived with my cat since I left for college – but it just made my heart ache like hell. So, in true Mandy fashion, I spent the rest of the night crying.

I cannot imagine what my mom and step dad went through Thursday afternoon as they held Barnee during his last minutes. I don’t know if I could have done it but I was thankful that my mom promised me she’d stay in the room with him. In the end – and not just because of his age – there was nothing the vet could do to help. My mom uttered the word cancer and I sort of stopped listening. I said it frequently throughout the day Thursday and I still believe that we will not remember that day – December 3, 2009 – but instead we will remember the joy he brought to our household for so many years.

When I was in middle school, we picked Barnee out from the Humane Society. He was likely dropped off by some family – with a young child who named him after the purple dinosaur. He was the first kitty to jump up on my lap in that small glass room filled with a handful of cats. The workers cautioned us against picking him. “He has a temper,” they told us. For all the years we had him, he never showed even a hint of such temper. Instead he became the cat that people who hate cats loved. He was cool. He geeked out over cat nip and chased wire toys like no other kitty. He was also borderline bulimic, which was often the source of jokes for my friends and I growing up. His all black body made his way through our home through every memorable moment of my teenage and young adult life – first kiss, prom, first boyfriend, homecoming games and sleepovers with my best friends.

When I went off to college we ironically thought he might be too old to handle the move, so my step dad took over as owner. He treated him just as good, if not better, than I did. What I’m trying to say is Barnee had a good life. There is not one moment of regret, but that doesn’t mean it’s not hard.

I’ve been trying to find the positive, because like everything in life there has to be some. And if I can come up with anything it is this: I needed this wake up call. I needed to be reminded that pets are not like children. They are not meant to outlive us. Instead, they are meant to bring us a lot of joy for their short time here on Earth. In the snapshot of my life I will likely have many pets. And all of them will bring me a tremendous amount of joy for their designated time. I think I’m learning to be OK with that.

Oh Christmas Tree

I will spare you all the “I’ve been so busy, that’s why I never blog” excuses. But please know: Every last excuse would be true.

We hosted a very wonderfully stress free Thanksgiving at our house and it makes me never want to go home for a holiday again. Sure, we love our families but it was so nice to just be. No stress. No fuss. No 700 trips to all of our families in a 12 hour period. None of it. In fact, we might not go home for Christmas, either, which I’m sure you can imagine how that makes our families feel. Ah, well. We’re adults. These are the years of our life and as it turns out, we’d like to wake up just once on Christmas morning in our own home.

Two days after Thanksgiving Jeff and I did something we’ve both never done in our entire lives. We cut down our very first real Christmas tree. It was absolutely the time of my life and I don’t think I will go back to having a fake tree for a very long time.

We found a place – about an hour from the condo – that allowed us to bring Jack. We hit the woods with a rusty saw and got picked up by a tractor, which brought us back to the little shop where we were served hot cider. It was just a really fun and cute thing to do as a couple and I’m so glad we did it. Plus, the ride home with a 10 plus foot tree on top of our little Mazda was the time of my life.

Work is going well. I’m busy at all times, which I do not mind at all and it’s totally fair to say that I do more work at my current job than I’ve ever done at any job in my entire life. And it challenges me in many of the right ways, which is good from a career development standpoint.

We’re working on really exciting Christmas project that I cannot wait to share. It’s going to be so dang cool.

For now, I think that’s it. Happy Almost Christmas!

Nothing like a broken spirit

My dog literally could not wag his tail for about 20 of the last 24 hours.

And I don’t know if you know, but I’m kind of obsessed with my dog. I’d do anything for his cute face. So when something is not right in his world it pretty much turns into a nervous break down in our house. There is crying and yelling and snotting. I’ll let you guess which one of the two of us humans in our household act in that matter.

So when my dog suddenly could not move his tail (AT ALL), a little freak out happened. I mean, why can’t my dog move his tail? So I consulted Google, which told me he had one of the following conditions: cancer, wet tail, anus gland issues, a sprained tail, a broken tail or a paralyzed spine. OH. GOOD.

We waited until morning and then called the vet. I should note, we are like WAY OVER on Jack’s vaccinations so a phone call to the vet equaled a lot of pride swallowing. Twenty minutes later, we were dropping Jack off at the vet. Yep, you heard me correctly: We had to leave him there. I cried all the way home and pretty much until we got the phone call telling us not to worry. It was in fact his anal glands, which had to be expressed. (Hot, hey?) They sent him home with antibiotics and hopefully his tail will be fully moving around again soon.

 

 

Current status: fulfilled

More than at any other time in my life, I’m living in the right now.

I am happy with things, maybe that’s why.

My new job is excruciatingly busy. I do a lot of work every day. I was just trying to explain to Jeff just how much work I do every day and I couldn’t even capture it. It’s just busy. And I love it. Days fly by. Like, one second it’s 7:30 a.m. and the next it’s 3:45 p.m. and I haven’t had lunch, just 17 cups of coffee.  And in all honesty, the amount of coffee I drink during any given day could have a lot to do with this sense of fulfillment I’ve been experiencing. I love coffee.

I came home this afternoon to a spotless kitchen, a vacuumed floor and a boyfriend who bragged because he was brave enough to open the container that held the month-old deviled eggs. I love that man. We’re on a level playing field again – both with jobs and our own lives – which means I can’t be the sole housework doer, which means I’m so delighted that he finally gets that INEEDHELPAROUNDTHEHOUSE. Sorry for the all caps, it’s just so very true.

My best friend’s baby is here. And if I haven’t already stressed just how happy I am that she’s out of the hospital and everyone’s healthy, let me take the moment now: I’m happy. The beginning of life is a beautiful thing and I don’t think anyone really stops to think about that enough. It’s got me thinkin’. And no I am not pregnant, thanks for asking thinking it.

I’m on this new committee that I care about. And I get to write stuff and interview people and it’s for a good cause. For so long as a reporter I had the intense urge to be involved in my community and with that kind of job, you just cannot. It’s too easy to develop strong relationships and be partial to organizations you care about if you are involved so it’s easier to draw the line before it happens. But when you’re a reporter the nature of your job is to learn about things – one of the greatest jobs ever, learning – and when you learn about things you become interested and impacted. Except, when you’re a reporter you tell other people’s stories and you do as little as possible to stand out and create your own stories. So anyway, getting to give of myself and publically care and speak out about things is about the greatest thing ever right now. I soak up fundraising events and situations where I can talk about a cause or an organization that I just believe in.

I’m starting a yoga class next week. Just a little sumthin sumthin to keep the ol waist line under control during this holiday season. Plus, people at my work are good bakers and I’ve been eating way too many sweets lately. I must stop.

I finally broke down and ordered philosophy’s skin care for congested skin. It comes with great word-of-mouth and online reviews. You guys, I’m cheap. I’ve never spent $78 on face wash and lotion in my life.  It should be here tomorrow, the tracking tells me. I’m ready for a miracle. Plus, I might MIGHT go out on a limb and get highlights in my hair. Something caramel colored, perhaps. If I don’t chicken out.

She’s here

My best friend had her very precious little girl this week.

Aubrie Kendall is her sweet little name. She was 7 lbs, 7 ounces and 20 inches long.

I went to meet her the day after she was born and oh my was she ever a little peanut. I mean, I know babies are little but I always forget how little until I hold a newborn. Just teeny tiny. I love her already.

Even after 12 plus long hard hours of labor and just a few hours of sleep afterward, Tina looked amazing. Stunning, even. Definitely proud to be a new mom.

Everyone is home from the hospital now. Everyone’s healthy, and sleeping and eating and moving around, which honestly is the (selfish) part I needed to happen after all of this labor and delivery stuff. I’m glad everyone is back to their nonhospitalized self because I worried way too much for my own good in between the first “Mandaaa, I’m at the hospital and in labor” phone call and the “she’s here!” phone call. I cried so much worrying my little mind off during those 12 hours that it was ridiculous. And is probably now what Tina will go through WITH A CHILD for the rest of her life. I’m not ready for that kind of worry, yet.

But Tina is going to be fantastic.  And I’m so excited for Tina and Mark. Can’t-put-into-words-excited.